J2 is at his dad's house as per our regular schedule.J1 is at his mom's house catching up and enjoying some time with the other side of his family.The man is at work earning a living and taking care of his responsibilities as head of the house.Which at final count in a house of 4 leaves only one.
Yes, there are dogs, fish, and a cat. However, the emptiness of a house isn't silenced by the water tinkling of fish tanks or the fur rustling of two overly spoiled fat dogs. I am at a loss of what to do with myself. I tried social interaction of that evil devil FB... I made myself a real lunch...all left me feeling weird. I haven't been alone since I was pregnant with J2 and home resting hoping that he would get bored and make his escape;
he didn't for another 3 weeks and only then because we all but used a cattle prod.
So here lies my problem. Silence is supposed to be golden. And honestly, I can understand how in the middle of our day to day lives that are filled with: daycare drop offs, papers to grade, dinners to make, laundry to wash, dishes to do, animals to feed, lesson plans to think through and rethink, romance to plan to build and preserve a relationship, entertainment to think up and provide for the children... and all the little things that sneak into our lives that try to push us all apart where we think that silence is exactly what we what.
The real truth about silence is that silence isn't what we really what. I have never daydreamed about a day I spent in silence. I have never taken photographs of a day I did nothing. I have flipped through pictures of days of absolute chaos and drama, also known as kid birthday parties or Christmas with the family. Neither of those had a moment of silence. I have reminisced about days of loud noises and laughter.
Silence isn't golden. Silence for me is like the deepest part of the ocean... completely overwhelming, deep, dark, and pressure from each and every side. The only pressure I feel in silence is how to fill it with productivity and the guilt of not using it "good" enough.
I can't wait for the noisy beings of my family to come home... silence sucks.
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