A Dangerous Question, "Will you marry me?"

"Will you marry me?"

I hadn't ever contemplated what it must be like for a man to ask such a dangerous question. I knew what it was like to see on TV and movies, had heard smoochie-fied cheeseball stories from people, and had even been asked a time or two.

But nothing can compare to the time I had a conversation with my "other mother." See Penny, (yes, her real name.) wasn't just anyone in my life, Penny was my bonus mom. She is both beautiful and wise and quite frankly stinkin' amazing when it comes to raising and dealing with men.

She and I were discussing life and responsibilities and being grown up. I thought I was a grown up back then... trust me... I wasn't.

She was telling me how many men don't really understand what it really means to ask a woman to marry them. I am positive my face gave away my confusion. She began to explain to me that when a man asks such a dangerous question that he isn't just asking for your hand to hold or even for someone who will look nice in family pictures... although he is asking those too.

When a man asks a woman to marry him he is asking...
- will you grow and bear my children?
- will you share and take my last name?
- will you cook my meals?
- will you put up with my mother?
- will you deal and share my family?
- will you clean and keep our home in order?
- will you love me if I get fat?
- will you share my address, regardless of where it is?
- will you love me when I am old &/or grey? or bald?
- will you take care of me when I am sick? even if I'm a big baby about it?
- will you take care of our kids if they are sick?
- will you have my back when no one else does?
- will you love me in spite of my stubbornness...temper... crazy... etc?
-will you think I am still the handsome man you met and married forever?
- will you share half of my everything even if we don't have anything?
- will you support me and my decisions?
- will you be there through thick and thin?
- will you sacrifice for me and our family?
- will you "love" on me?
- will you cherish me when I am at my lowest?

-will you love me for ALL of me?

I had never contemplated how dangerous and powerful a statement that ONE question was. She was right.  Too many women want the girlie bits and bling, they don't LISTEN to the underlying questions he is REALLY asking.

Ladies, think long and hard before you answer a man. Not because you don't love him... but because you really need to know you are willing and able to be everything.

Gentlemen, don't ask a woman anything you don't really mean. Know how much you are REALLY asking  a woman...

The bottom line is, "will you marry me?" isn't just a cutesy question that leads to a big party. It's a life changing question. Any man crazy enough to ask me such a dangerous question better know what he is asking, because I want know...

-will you kill the spiders in our home?
- will you love me when I'm pregnant and feel like a whale?
- will you tell me the truth about our finances?
- will you hold me after a long day?
- will you put up with me when I'm emotional and girlie?
- will you love me regardless of my hair color or weight?
- will you explain "boy things" to me without making fun of me?
- will you love  when I need it most?
- will you need me?
- do you want to have a baby with me?
- will you listen to me?
- will you kiss me and make me weak in the knees?
- will you snuggle me and keep me warm at night?
- will you be there for me?

The thing is marriage is hard. It is also absolutely worth it, if you are with someone who will get there and support you no matter what.  I could care less about the jewelry or party. Truth is, if I had it my way, I wouldn't have a wedding. I want a marriage. All the other stuff, well, it's just stuff. Stuff gets old and broken.  I want to come home to the man of my dreams and just be us.

Gentlemen, don't ask if you aren't ready to be man she needs. Ladies don't say yes unless you are willing to be the helpmate he needs.