You see thousands of articles in nearly every magazine or online site about how important sex is to a marriage or relationship. But the truth is that is not the most important "f," forgiveness is. I will even go as far as to say that without the F of forgiveness, it makes the "f" of sex much more difficult to achieve.
When it comes to me, I do not want to share the most intimate parts of myself with someone I am mad or upset with. I want to figuratively and literally pull myself away from them.It has been said that intimacy also has little to do with sex. Intimacy is the person you share the scary news about a freckle on your shoulder, the details of the latest and most crazy choices your siblings have made, intimacy is who I go to when I want to sit and be silent and let the events of a day congeal because I can not process it all at once. When you are truly open yourself up to other people, they see you... your flaws, your stupidity, all the ways you feel like a failure, the things you fear most, and then you hand them the knife and tell them the easiest ways to hurt you.
No matter which version of intimacy is being given... you literally have to give up you protective layers, allow yourself to be vulnerable and open yourself up.
In a marriage or relationships the only people who don't make mistakes are the people who aren't doing anything. Everyone else, makes mistakes. We forget things. We mess up. We do some things because we know the other person will overlook them and they will accept us, while others we don't know that we are hurting them because we are selfish and oblivious to how our actions can be misconstrued. Regardless of our intention... we mess up. It's life.
However, here is the real difficulty... the F...forgiveness.
I am stubborn and hard headed.
I am mean and cruel when I feel like my needs are not important and not acknowledged.
I am a grudge holder.
I hate to give forgiveness.
Sadly... I also despise it when people do not readily give me forgiveness when I mess up and admit my flaws. Yes, I know that it makes me a hypocrite. I have a terrible time admitting when I wrong. And thus it means that in my head... if I FINALLY admit I am wrong, I want forgiveness IMMEDIATELY. But that is not an easy F to get or give.
Forgiveness is hard. Actually giving forgiveness to people who have hurt you... SUCKS. I literally have had to learn to forgive people. You don't forgive people for them. Forgiveness is for you. Sometimes you have to forgive people who have NEVER asked for forgiveness because staying mad is "drinking poison and expecting the other person to die..." Forgiveness is for your head and heart to let go. Forgiveness is the most important F because it frees your mind of hostility and allows you to move on and be yourself.
Anger, if left to fester will twist and turn your thoughts and heart into ugly twisted craggy branches of the bitterness tree and that tree will grow roots that dig and break your commitment to someone... Those roots of bitterness and anger will crumble the very bedrock of love and adoration you had for them.
Remember the person...not the actions.
Forgiveness is like commitment...
Remember YOUR commitment regardless of their actions.
Makes the choice to forgive and tell your bitterness and anger to F off. ;0)
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