Apologies and Guilt

There are some words and phrase that are powerful to me. Some that I frequently use, " I love you," there are ones I think about often and don't always use because I feel vulnerable using them, "I miss you," then there are two that I am not fond of using... and sadly, they often go hand in hand

"I was wrong."
" I'm sorry."

...all of the above phrase can change relationships between friends and love(s) but I think the ones I need to use more often are the last two.

I don't like to be wrong. That in itself is an understatement. I hate it. I literally hate it. Most people assume it's because I am vain. The truth is far more odd. It makes me mad at myself, not because I am wrong so much as the idea that I let someone down or misled them. I let myself look foolish. I am a fan of telling people the truth. I am a fan of being honest to the point of embarrassment ( most of the time.) However, I despise being wrong.

I don't hate saying "I'm sorry" as much as "I was wrong." Maybe because if I am at the point where I need to say I'm sorry I have already come to the conclusion that I have hurt or injured someone. I am not a fan of hurting people. I will avoid it. (Side note:  I avoid confrontation bc I am a whimp and often overreact)

I think I view "I'm sorry"as a healing thing and less of an admission of guilt so I am more comfortable with it. I will apologize when I think I have offended, when I have hurt, or when I feel it appropriate. But those words, " I am wrong..." Dear me... they nearly burn my tongue.

I have been told many times that I am stubborn and often need to admit I was wrong more. I have been told by friends, loved ones, exes, co-workers... and every time... EVERY one... it makes me angry. I dunno if it's bc I am stubborn or that I am too much like my father. Maybe  it just happens to be my main character flaw.

If my flaws are simple like this, I think I am doing okay. I think I personally consider pride to one of the worst character flaws.  I am not really prideful.  Actually, I fear pride. It prolly has a lot to do with teaching and studying English and seeing so many of the epic heroes creep up on their failure like a roller coaster edging it's way to the top because they were too prideful. Or worse, they were too proud to admit they were wrong and get help from others. Hmm.

Look out world... I might be on a roller coaster of doom after all.

Here is me admitting I am wrong.
I am wrong. A lot.

Here is me apologizing.
I am sorry.
( trust me the list I have of people who deserve to hear this is long and extensive )

Today I make the goal to stop being so stuck on not  admitting I am wrong.
Hopefully, I am not wrong in making it. ;)