Happy

Question I overheard at the library today got me to thinking...It wasn't a big question...
It was simple.

"Are you happy?" 

It wasn't directed at me. It was merely one I overheard as the munchkin and I were enjoying the city library. It sent my mind to a whole other dimension in self contemplation.

Am I happy?Yes...no... somewhat...
And better questions..
WHY NOT?
What can I do to change that?
So I did the only "logical thing" and I looked up what happy meant.

Merriam Webster describes "happy"as
HAPPY: favored by luck or fortune

2: notably fitting, effective, or well adapted

3a : enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment

 b : expressing, reflecting, or suggestive of happiness 

c.glad or pleased

d : having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship : friendly

4a : characterized by a dazed irresponsible state

 b : impulsively or obsessively quick to use or do something 

c : enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession

I dunno that I have really considered my self "lucky" although I do consider myself very fortunate. I am fortunate to have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, an amazing kid that I adore so much it makes me what more kids... etc. I am NOT what I would consider "well adapted.." so I fail on that front. I do think I try to reflect happiness. I am more oft than not glad. I have pretty good fellowship, I miss a few people, and rarely get brave even to say it but I do. I often feel dazed and irresponsible but that has more to do with my ability to overanalyze and over think... LOL..  I AM IMPULSIVE. that one is an absolute score for team happy.... and I dunno about that last definition. Honestly, It's a bit odd for me.

I guess overall I am relatively happy. I miss people and I am not bold or brave as I'd like to be nor am I well adapted. I wish I knew a few more of "well adapted" people who could teach me, but I think I'd make them loose their cool, so.. meh.

I noticed something amazing that WASN'T in the definition. It didn't ask me if I had regrets, or if I'd made mistakes, or if I'd done dumb things,  it never asked if I gave my heart to the wrong person, it never accused me of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, or the right thing at the WORSE time...

I find that very refreshing. Its nice to have a checklist that is tangible to help keep my thoughts in check. Turns out, happy is not something hard to find. Happy is a state of mind.

I am happy, a few potholes in my path, but happy nonetheless.