I have heard some people try to make rules about how long a couple should be friends first, how long should date, the length of time they are to be engaged, if they should do this or that, if they should adopt an animal to learn about parenting styles ..blah ...blah.. blah.
I get all of those. In fact, I have previously been a student in that school of thought. I also failed. I have started relationships doing everything by the book, following every rule, down to the don't kiss on a first date. As it turns out I was no happier at the end of the relationship than a couple of the crazy, no chance at a real future at all, ones. I believe that there are some rules that are too big to break and that the little things are the big things. I don't mean the how a man treats his momma is how he will treat his wife. ( Although I personally believe this one) I mean the things I ponder while I read Romeo & Juliet with my classes and I wonder if they would have made it..
A few of the things I have learned...
a. Mrs. Kennedy was right.
Mrs. Kennedy was my 9th grade English teacher. She would randomly sprinkle in life advice as she was teaching. She is one of my roll models of what kind of a teacher I want to be like. She made a statement while we were studying "Romeo & Juliet." She said, if you ever have to choose between two people on who to spend your life with... choose the one who makes you laugh and you can talk to for hours. It doesn't matter how great the other one kisses or how much you want them. When you are old you will remember the one who you kissed but the one who made you laugh you will always think of and miss. I always wanted to ask her which one she had chosen; but I wasn't brave back then.
b. Don't settle for someone you can live with, be with someone you can't live without.
Yes, everyone and their dog will tell you how similar interests and compatibility are the big things. I am not as sure about those as I was at 18. If I wanted someone to just hang out, I have girlfriends. I need someone to balance me. Someone who calls me on my crazy and makes me better. Knifes don't stay sharp on their own. They need to be sharpened. I don't need someone to just tell me what I want to hear, I need honesty and someone who I can trust enough to tell me the truth even when it is the last thing I want to hear.
c. The right ones will stay the wrong ones will leave.
People who love you will make choices to be with you. Literally and figuratively. Cheating is leaving. How I spend my time and who I give it to says a lot about me. If I give up sleep or whatever for you... there is a reason. Anyone can be kind and sweet on a date. I don't want to spend extended time with everyone at 2 am ; that time is reserved for people I care about on a totally different plane.
d. When you know; you KNOW.
I believe that your heart will truly guide you. I believe all those lovely stories told by old men who watched a woman walk into somewhere, took one look at her, and then told his buddies he was gonna marry her, then promptly did. I personally have listened to a few of them(... my favorite one...)
He told me that he knew the exact second she walked into the door.
It was during a war...and they married quickly... and he left shortly there after.
After he got back they started a family and continued on with an amazing life.
Here's the part that melted my heart; She had never heard the story until she heard him tell it to me. I saw the sparkle in his eyes. She looked at him incredulously and teasingly called him a old fibber. He then promptly described her dress and how she wore her hair. The look on her face I will never forget. He wasn't a fibber. Truth is, he was man still in love with the woman who walked into that jazz club all those years ago. When you know, you know.
e. Crazy is better.
"People don't write sonnets about being compatible. Or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation The great loves are the crazy ones. " Anyone can make you smile... but not everyone can make you truly happy. Seek happy. Seek crazy.
f. Actions are the words.
It doesn't matter how often someone says "I love you" or says they care about you. If their actions don't say it... They don't. If you have to worry about if they care about you... they don't care enough.
Find the person who you'd rather stay up until 2 am.
Kiss the one who gives you butterflies.
Hold on to the person who reaches out for you without looking just to make sure you are there.
Be with the person who you are content just being in the same building with.
Anything else... Isn't crazy enough. ;)
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