The Weight of Caring

Everything on the planet Earth has weight; as in the amount of mass that gravity effects. I understand that on a purely normal level where if I pick up something with more mass it feels heavy. I am sure all the Mr. Wizards of the world will argue  that it's more complex but the simple truth is... I know what I need to know about it. My mass keeps me on Earth.. when I eat more cookies I get more mass..etc.

However the longer I teach and interact with people I am beginning to understand that the internal weight of situations and people is often grandeur and far, far, heavier than the actual physical weight of  things.

For example...
When my "kiddos" past or present trusts me with the following info...
- I'm gay and I dunno how to tell my momma.
- I think I might be pregnant.
- My dad was killed last night.
- I think I am miscarrying...right now...
- I'm in a relationship, and I love my girlfriend, but I cheated and now I'm pregnant.
-I need help.
- My bff has started cutting themselves and I'm scared for her.
- I'm addicted to drugs and I need rehab. My momma doesn't even know I'm on drugs. How do I tell her and get her to put me in rehab?
- I'm scared of.... (this one has changed faces too many times ...)
- I don't feel normal because...
- Is it normal that I...

Over the years I have truly had to work on not allowing my face to react. I have gained a whole new understanding of other people and the demons they face. I broke out of the box that I lived in and started to see the world through eyes and experiences that were far removed from my own. I found out that all the crazy, shady, dramatic, or hurt in my past made me the exact person that other people needed. I FINALLY understood that my history my past, my hurt, my pain, had all lead me to this point, to this moment... because it is so much bigger than me.

And....
I learned....
that caring for other people holds it's own version of mass. It weighs you down. It pulls at you...drags your heart down. The worries I have for other people stick around  in the back of my mind like cobwebs. They are small and often undetected. They can be ignored for a small amount of time but eventually I notice them and then.. all of the sudden I am very aware of them and  the cobwebs grow into VW bugs sitting in the corner of my mind. I try to cover them up and convince myself and other people they aren't there... but it's hard not to notice a VW bug just sitting in the corner.

Caring for others has a cost. It mentally and often physically has mass for the emphatic person.

However; the really interesting factor that few people state about the weight of caring for others...
it is totally worth it.
My heart is full. And while I give up sleep worrying I also sleep more restfully knowing I helped someone. I love that. I know some of you might think I am simple in my assessment of the world  and that my ideas are not fully developed..blah blah blah.. BUT.. I love the simplicity of knowing I was given this golden opportunity and I didn't run and I didn't give up. I took the moment and used what I had and made it better.

Yes, the weight of caring and compassion is heavy and often sits in the corner of my mind no matter how hard I try to cover it up and pretend it doesn't effect ( & also affect) me...
BUT
for me,
It's worth it.

And as long as it does I will hand over my heartstrings to be played, my nerve and sinew to be stretched, and my thoughts to be shared. Because for me, it's worth it.
And I will carry the weight.