What's important to you?
You might think that that is a simple questions and that you can readily come up with answers; however, the truth and your answers might not match. Let me make myself more clear... What do you THINK is important and what you TREAT as important.. are they the same things?
What fills you thoughts? What fills your social media? What do you take pictures of? What do you surround yourself with? I read awhile ago that "what ever you dream about, that's where your heart lies." I agree with that statement but I think it can actually be even more simple.
If you argue that you are a good parent and only want the best for your kids but buy yourself really nice and expensive things and your kids only buy "stuff" for your kids... You are more important than your children. Yes, I have heard parents argue that " Well, but my kid is gonna grow out of those clothes anyway." Yes, and someday you will be eating dinner and drop spaghetti sauce on that shirt and it will still be ruined. Your spending habits show a lot about you.
What do you talk about? I talk about my kid, my "babies"( students), school, my family, education, love, and life. I talk about all of those a lot. I use facebook, instagram, twitter, and blogger for all my social media needs. And all over all of those forms of social media, everyone can see references to my kid, my babies, school, my family, education, love, and life. I don't fill my social media with my ex. I don't passive aggressively bad mouth my family or enemies. I genuinely try to keep private matters between myself and who is involved.
I take this concept to the point where my classroom & home also reflect back on what is important to me. I surround myself with millions of pictures of my friends and family. I want people to know they are important to me. I want them to see themselves in pictures etc when they visit me. I don't want people to wonder about my love and emotional connection to them. I try to love people the way the need. I try to make others feel important and wanted.
I try to take care of my family. I cook almost all our meals, pack lunches, and overall care for them. I make dates. I have munchkin and mom dates. I bring home special candy to the boys to let them know they are loved. I make sure they have snacks. I try and put my effort into making them feel loved.
What do you think about?
What do you dream about?
What do you take pictures of?
What do you talk about?
That my friends is what you love.
That is where your heart is filled with.
Where you spend your time, energy, and put your effort into...
That's what you love.
It doesn't matter what your words say, actions speak louder than words.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
Ask.
Something I have learned in life and teaching is the importance of being "asked."
Women want to be ASKed to get married.
Teenagers want to be ASKed to prom.
People in general need to be ASKed how they are in order to feel appreciated and important.
You wouldn't think that something as simple as asking would be that important. But the truth of the matter is that it's a little thing that is a HUGE thing.
When women get asked to get married it's not really the ring that matters. Shallow people will argue with me, but they're shallow. Any way... It's the fact that someone else puts them in a special place in their heart and wants to ASK them. The idea that a man will publically or privately ask a woman to share all his successes and failures not knowing what might bring... that's big. I personally am a fan of on bended knee... but have never had the joy of such a thing. It's fun to make plans as a couple but until their is an "ASK" you are just daydreaming and making plans "if." Once the ASK has taken place then the plans become real and gain substance.
People who feel they are alone want to be asked if they are okay. It helps prevent depression when they know someone else cares about their well being. The fact they are in fact a thought that crosses another human's brain. Their life matters. Many suicides have been prevented by someone asking the other person if they were alright or if they needed help. People need to know that they matter.
I ask my students about their weekend...
their lives... their parents... their new hair cuts...
what they want out of life...
I ask and ask
and ask some more.
Because the thought that that my ASKing could help or prevent them from feeling alone and might help them KNOW I care helps me feel better. Makes me feel like I matter too. Ironic how that works. Unfortunately, it's not enough for me to ask others if they are okay and have them tell me about their hobbies. I need people too. It's how I am built. In fact, I am pretty needy in general. I need to be needed. I love taking care of others and choose to be in a profession where I am. But, my neediness also needs to be asked about too.
I try to make a conscious effort to ask the darlings I share my home with about their day, their hobbies, what went wrong, what went right, what they are looking forward to in the next week, month etc. I hope by me doing this with my sweet munchkin he will do the same with his future babies ( far off future as he is only 5) and how that I am building a bedrock of care and ASKing in his future family.
To say it's been a rough year for me is an understatement the same way the Grand Canyon is a hole in the ground. I am trying to shake off my heaviness and still care for others.
But sometimes... I need to be asked too.
Hug the ones you love and ASK them about THEM.
Women want to be ASKed to get married.
Teenagers want to be ASKed to prom.
People in general need to be ASKed how they are in order to feel appreciated and important.
You wouldn't think that something as simple as asking would be that important. But the truth of the matter is that it's a little thing that is a HUGE thing.
When women get asked to get married it's not really the ring that matters. Shallow people will argue with me, but they're shallow. Any way... It's the fact that someone else puts them in a special place in their heart and wants to ASK them. The idea that a man will publically or privately ask a woman to share all his successes and failures not knowing what might bring... that's big. I personally am a fan of on bended knee... but have never had the joy of such a thing. It's fun to make plans as a couple but until their is an "ASK" you are just daydreaming and making plans "if." Once the ASK has taken place then the plans become real and gain substance.
People who feel they are alone want to be asked if they are okay. It helps prevent depression when they know someone else cares about their well being. The fact they are in fact a thought that crosses another human's brain. Their life matters. Many suicides have been prevented by someone asking the other person if they were alright or if they needed help. People need to know that they matter.
I ask my students about their weekend...
their lives... their parents... their new hair cuts...
what they want out of life...
I ask and ask
and ask some more.
Because the thought that that my ASKing could help or prevent them from feeling alone and might help them KNOW I care helps me feel better. Makes me feel like I matter too. Ironic how that works. Unfortunately, it's not enough for me to ask others if they are okay and have them tell me about their hobbies. I need people too. It's how I am built. In fact, I am pretty needy in general. I need to be needed. I love taking care of others and choose to be in a profession where I am. But, my neediness also needs to be asked about too.
I try to make a conscious effort to ask the darlings I share my home with about their day, their hobbies, what went wrong, what went right, what they are looking forward to in the next week, month etc. I hope by me doing this with my sweet munchkin he will do the same with his future babies ( far off future as he is only 5) and how that I am building a bedrock of care and ASKing in his future family.
To say it's been a rough year for me is an understatement the same way the Grand Canyon is a hole in the ground. I am trying to shake off my heaviness and still care for others.
But sometimes... I need to be asked too.
Hug the ones you love and ASK them about THEM.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
My first born son...
I am incredibly lucky that my first born is a smart man child with great communication skills and a logical brain. However when he is arguing with me and using these skills against me, I consider just how cheap it is to make a replacement child....
Please don't get me wrong....I have no regrets about having my child. I have no thoughts that I did the wrong thing having my son with my ex even though to say we don't always get along with each other would be an understatement.
As a parent you want your child to be intelligent and to have a strong sense of what they want in hopes that they will be a leader and not a follower. You dream that they will be kind and bring you hope in the world. Sometimes I think how loud my home is and how I can hardly remember what it's like not to have noise constantly in it. I am amazed that I have this little piece of my heart that runs around outside of my body on a daily basis.
However,
-when my child argues with me and his logic is sound and perfect but NOT what I want him to do- I want to pull out my hair.
-when my house is quiet and my son is at school or with his daddy- I consider leaving the house because it longer feels like my house any more.
-when my son colors me a "pretty picture" but uses my eye liner or fancy markers I sorda wanna lock myself in my bathroom and cry. Its hard not to be mad but most of the time I am able to keep my focus and remember he won't be this size for long and in no time at all he won't want to make me art.
- when he falls asleep in the car and I get to carry his 50+ lbs of man child into the house I get frustrated right up until the point he bats those sleepy green eyes smiles that dimpled smile and says how much he needs me.
- when I am trying to hurry and get us ready to leave the house and he is in my way and I want to tell him he is IN MY WAY... and he smiles a dirty face little boy smile and tells me how pretty I look... I melt.
- when he is tried of shopping and being whiney and fussy and making me annoyed and he looks me straight in my eyes bats his lashes and says, " Momma these dresses aren't pretty enough for you." and I KNOW he is playing me... and I KNOW he is using psychology and flattery to get his way... but yet... I cave.
From holding him when he is sick even though I know I will be exhausted the next day...to cleaning up boogers and dirt... and God only knows what from his clothes...to finding rocks and leaves in my clothes dryer... I know I am loved, but being a boy mom is hard.
Please don't get me wrong....I have no regrets about having my child. I have no thoughts that I did the wrong thing having my son with my ex even though to say we don't always get along with each other would be an understatement.
As a parent you want your child to be intelligent and to have a strong sense of what they want in hopes that they will be a leader and not a follower. You dream that they will be kind and bring you hope in the world. Sometimes I think how loud my home is and how I can hardly remember what it's like not to have noise constantly in it. I am amazed that I have this little piece of my heart that runs around outside of my body on a daily basis.
However,
-when my child argues with me and his logic is sound and perfect but NOT what I want him to do- I want to pull out my hair.
-when my house is quiet and my son is at school or with his daddy- I consider leaving the house because it longer feels like my house any more.
-when my son colors me a "pretty picture" but uses my eye liner or fancy markers I sorda wanna lock myself in my bathroom and cry. Its hard not to be mad but most of the time I am able to keep my focus and remember he won't be this size for long and in no time at all he won't want to make me art.
- when he falls asleep in the car and I get to carry his 50+ lbs of man child into the house I get frustrated right up until the point he bats those sleepy green eyes smiles that dimpled smile and says how much he needs me.
- when I am trying to hurry and get us ready to leave the house and he is in my way and I want to tell him he is IN MY WAY... and he smiles a dirty face little boy smile and tells me how pretty I look... I melt.
- when he is tried of shopping and being whiney and fussy and making me annoyed and he looks me straight in my eyes bats his lashes and says, " Momma these dresses aren't pretty enough for you." and I KNOW he is playing me... and I KNOW he is using psychology and flattery to get his way... but yet... I cave.
From holding him when he is sick even though I know I will be exhausted the next day...to cleaning up boogers and dirt... and God only knows what from his clothes...to finding rocks and leaves in my clothes dryer... I know I am loved, but being a boy mom is hard.
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