I am a needy person. My two personal love languages are affection and quality time. I need people to care about . I need to about to care, love, and touch the other person to be fulfilled . I inheritantly semi beg for time and attention. Maybe because I was an only child for too long, I dunno. But the simple truth is I like people I care about to be involved in my life.
The problem is too many times people assume that just being present is "enough." For those who have shared a car ride with someone they don't like in an attempt not to have to drive a roadtrip alone , you understand that someone being present wasn't enough to make the ride feel safe and satisfied. It might have been enough to keep random creepy strangers from talking to you at gas stations but it wasn't enough to give you fun memories or feelings of true happiness . The same is true when it comes to relationships . If both people are not investing time and genuine attention, it feels like an empty car ride. It will keep the random creepy strangers from hassling you but you won't have shared memories or bond together as a union.
Quality time is a sorda a tight rope walk too. You just be present, but you don't necessarily have to monetarily invest in order to get something back. In simple laymans terms, you can't just go to a fancy expensive dinner share a meal with the person or buy them things and cement the bond between you . Things will rust and dissolve, dinners will be digested; however, true interactive conversations will not. They are the memories your brain flutters to during moments if stress and worry, the assure you that everything will be okay.
Invest time.
Interact on a deeper level.
Ask questions and learn about the other person. I read once about a man who was pursuing his wife and being harassed by some of his "bros." He explained that when you date a person you study them and learn their likes and dislikes and how to make them smile, it's like a student getting a high school diploma. When you get married the study of your significant other shouldn't stop but should be like earning a college degree... More late nights and more study and alone time with them. After you've been married awhile you should know the person well. But just as science and history continue to change and evolve so do our significant others. Since they change and grow so should your study of them. You can't assume you will get your PhD in understanding them by sticking with the information you got dating them. You can't pass the PhD final with outdated high school info.
Quality time is a study of the people you love and care about.
Who or what do you study?
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