Boobies

I discovered a lump in my boob about December of last year. I asked the man I was with to check and see if he felt anything and he refused and told me I was just being dramatic and that there was prolly nothing there.
Mostly, He "foo foo'd" me off.
I decided maybe I was crazy...

And so... I waited.

January in a quiet and yet dramatic course of events I left said man.

July I went in for my "girlie" exam where they examine my ladies, check under the hood, and make sure everything is fine. As my Dr, is chatting away with me and discussing life, love, my munchkin, how blessed I am, etc. and she is feeling me up like a easy prom date she pauses in the conversation.

She says... "Do you do your monthly self breast check ups?"
Me: "Yes...............(silence)......why?"
She Dr. "Have you noticed this before?" concern on her face and voice tense
Me "yes. I found it in December but previously mentioned ex told me I was crazy and being dramatic."
She Dr. " I'm sure it's nothing...BUT... we need to get this checked out.
For those of you unfamiliar with the "BUT statement rule" let me enlighten you. Anything said before the 'But' should be ignored because it's just there to sugar coat the truth. I am aware of the "BUT statement" rule of conversation and have to begin concentrating on breathing as I am panicked.

A quick couple texts to people I adore and trust and a few 5 calls to get the "just check this out" appointment scheduled, some promises from my BFF to get new bigger fake boobs if it's a bad lump and I am at the Oklahoma Breast Center in OKC.

I arrive for my appoint and get taken back to a quiet freezing room and get topless, a lovely nurse brings me a heated blanket and we begin to look and discuss at the inside of my boobs.

She explains everything, shows everything, labels everything, and is amazing. However, she also feels like the head Dr. man needs to come in and feel me up too

At this point 3 separate people have seen and felt me up, none of which have brought me dinner or even a snack. Sighhhh.

After much discussion we all agree that there IS a lump. It IS noticeable. It IS hard. It IS about the size of a marble. We discuss and evaluate as a team (a team for my boobs!) and decide a mammogram is next. The have me move across the building; still topless; and a nice new lady feels me up and puts cut flower stickers on the lump and they do a mammogram. Yes I have heard the horror stories about mammograms and heard how they "squish" your boobs and make them feel like pancakes... but a. I am not enormously blessed b. my lady was amazing c. I kept giggling at the way my boobs looked squished between two clear pieces of glass. I kept thinking of fish faces squished across the wall of an aquarium d. my alarm from the day before went off and we enjoyed "Boston" by Augustana and it helped relax me.

4 people have now played with my boobies and still no snacks or treats or offers for a date.

I am taken back to a room where mister Dr. man, ultrasound lady, and the mammogram film all are. We all look, talk, analyze, and decide that there IS a bump. It IS hard. It doesn't look bad, but all of their years of experience tell them to check ONE more way. I get taken over to scheduling where we discuss my cycles and they ask some really in depth questions and am actually able to answer them with 100% answers because I have an app for that. ;)

We schedule my MRI for the next day.

I have a problem with needles.

A LARGE problem.... when I arrive on Thurs a lovely nurse has me get topless ( naked boobies seen by person number 5) and we discuss if I have tattoos, piercings or any other internal metal, etc. She begins my IV, I look away and concentrate on breathing and on our discussion about tattoos and babies. I feel myself get heavy and my eyes start to spot... I let her know about 1 min. before I pass out. I wake up 5 min. later, a little hazy about where I am, surrounded by 3 more people, still topless.

Number of people who have seen or felt my boobies in one week, 8.

I get relaxed, we do the MRI. I think about the man I crush on, music lyrics, the last time I cuddled anyone, the heated blanket on my legs, the annoyance of laying my body weight on my rib cage, and wait.

Turns out, after 8 people have seen or felt up my boobies in a week, and non of them even offered me a stick of gum, I am thankful that my the only thing wrong with me is I'm lumpy like bad mashed potatoes at Gramma's Thanksgiving.

However, I will also not take my boobies for granted. I will be thankful that I breast fed my son for almost a year. I am blessed that while I have bad genetics I have the gift of prayer and people who love me and help handle my whiney stressed out self. I am blessed that my insurance didn't need a pre approval and I was able to get answers in the same week .
God is good even if my boobies are lumpy. :)