New Years is for quitters

Many people write new year resolutions. They vow to stop doing things like smoking and to start doing things like eat veggies and exercise. I don't make resolutions with the new year. I don't know too many people who have been successful when it comes to them and I do not want to feel badly about myself for returning to things that I've been surviving doing. I do think that people need to declutter.

I come from a long line of hoarders and pack rats. I have had to work at adjusting and limiting myself to what I "keep" and deem as important. I do mean declutter as in tangible things that one can hold and touch....But what if we started removing clutter from our hearts and thoughts. I believe that people can not grow and become the person that they are destined to be if they are being held back by mental boxes filled with old broken pieces of ourselves.

Can you become a fully involved love to someone if you are holding onto things like bitterness and anger over past choices that they have made? Why allow the other person to live rent free inside your head and hold any kind of power of your thoughts. If you are holding those feelings, you are limiting the space inside your emotions. How can you grow into someone kind and giving if you spend your free time trying to replay previous things other people have said to you? Will you truly be able to be the best version of yourself if you are fertilizing your thoughts with hatred, bitterness, and anguish?

Instead of making ANOTHER year's resolution about eating mashed cauliflower every single week - why not unpack the hatred of others? Remove the emotions that keep you cranky and throw them away. Pack away the people who do not belong within the limited space of your thoughts and send them away for good. Unseal the tape on the boxes in your head filled with worries and fears. Your head only has so much time and processing power- clean it like a computer of all the "bugs" that are limiting you. Stop holding yourself back with regret and mistakes. Acknowledge the past, apologize and ask for forgiveness- and move the regret and mistakes out of your head.

Purge yourself of anything that keeps your internal dialog mean or cruel. No one deserves to make you feel bad about yourself or your  past mistakes long term - especially yourself. You alone are the secretary that allows these thoughts into the "boss" of your brain. Stop permitting all the dark and ugly in.

Would you rather fill your head with wonder and amazement or worry and atonement over things that have already been dealt with?

You hold the keys to the clutter inside your own head- allow it to take up space or clean it out.

New Years is for quitters. Quit allowing what you do not want inside your head to control your thoughts and mental health.

touch

As defined by Webster's dictionary,
TOUCH: a. to put your hands, fingers, etc on someone or something. b.to be in contact with something. c. to change or move (something)

I am a firm believer that touch changes people; positively and negatively. On a simple basic need, babies need touch and attention to prevent failure to thrive. Parents of preemies and newborns are often encouraged to do "kangaroo care" skin to skin contact to help the baby regulate heart rate and temperature. According to the research,  there are no negative side effects of the skin to skin contact. So why is it that as we grow and become more "enlightened" we stop thinking that we as humans need touch?

Touch can be casual and simple, the walk by, hand on the shoulder of a friend. I walk though the hallways in the high school, and squeeze the forearm of my former  kiddos in the hallway as I walk though the hoards of students. They smile and often say how much they miss me or how much they love me etc. I am quickly and quietly letting them know that I see them. One arm squeeze to acknowledge their presence.

I say all this to explain- touch is a form of love.

Yes, in the obvious love, sex, and rock and roll kinda way.

Yes, in the peace bringing way that happens when you panicked and need someone to hold your hand.

Yes, in the crowded room and someone who cares about you reaches out and touches you- gingerly. In fact, most people in the room might not have even noticed. The touch could have almost been played off as a passing by moment  needed to make one's way through  gesture. However, both side of the touch felt it.

Yes, in the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I physically need someone stronger than me to hold me - the holder encloses the "weak" person, bearing the weight, bearing the pain, bearing the overwhelm, all the chaos and bad things are still there but the tide is held back by this one moment of being hugged and held. There is something life changing about being apart of one of these moments. If you are the one holding- the pain is almost tangible. You feel the other person break. This break allows them to begin to rebuild and find their bearings. Holding in the pain and overwhelm is exhausting. But what most people don't realize is how much strength it takes to hold in the pain. How hard it is to be vulnerable. How much faith and trust you have to put in someone before you can allow yourself to break to that extent.

Research shows that blood pressure is lowered when someone you love touches you. How amazing it is that on an anatomical level your body responds to basic touch. Your health and well-being are literally improved with touch.

I have a student in my 7th hour, each and every day that makes a special effort to come and give me a genuine warm hug every single day before our last hour of the day. I didn't realize how much of an effect it had on me until this last Wednesday. On Wednesday, we met in the computer lab to work on typing our essays. I went to take roll, and realized I had not had my hug from her. My first thought was that she was absent and my heart sank.  Her one single hug in my day recharges my battery.

One single hug missed in the course of my 161 students and I noticed it.

Touch matters.