After nearly 20 years of knowing his dad, I knew it was not going to be a pretty sight walking in.
I was more than prepared for whatever state of man mess that the boy was coming in as. I was NOT prepared for the nearly an inch thick gooey mud on his 2 week old new shoes. I had the boy strip down and started the shower to have him hose down. As I walked towards the bathroom, I realized I had left Netflix playing and asked the boy to pause it for me.
"Of course mom, I love you enough to do that for you."
I love you enough....His reply caught me in my tracks and reminded of something very big.
The thing is, sometimes I forget that in the middle of a hard day, that I love him enough to be the momma he NEEDS regardless of what he deserves or how hard my day is.
Then later as I scrubbed the mud off the new shoes for the 6th round, I said the words in my head, " I love you enough to scrub the mud off your shoes without complaint." The idea that cleaning shoes is an act of love had never occurred to me. As I stood there, a giant foaming mess of mud and grapefruit scented dish soap, there is no other emotion big enough to make me continue to scrub. This is the first week of state testing for my child. It's also been a week where he hasn't had outdoor recess due to rain and bad weather and his wild soul NEEDED the feel the wind and freedom. I did ASK his dad to help him find some physical release because I knew the boy needed it. I assumed he would go an indoor area or something. Either way, I was not involved in the decision. The other parent made it. For sake of better co-parenting, I am going to assume dad was truly trying to do just as a asked...even if the follow through left me less than happy.
As I scrubbed the stink and goo off the shoes the water helped wash away my cranky. Was I thrilled to be turning my fingers to prunes over shoes? Nope. If I had been asked, is this the outlet for the boy I would have chosen? Nope. Did the boy absolutely need one, yup. Did the mud and muck hurt the boy? Not in the slightest, in fact, it helped release some of his need to conquer and survive on a small man scale version of nature and wilderness.
As the end of school approaches, as a teacher, I am tired. My heart and body are weary from writing lesson plans and carrying my students' life stories in my rib cage near my heart to be protected and remembered on hard days. I am tired of begging them to work to their full capacity. I go through the grieving process nearly every morning when my alarm clock goes off and I have to heave my warm snuggled self out of bed. I am not tired of believing in them, but I am tired of them hearing without listening. I am not tired of saying 151530251 times a day how much I love them even on the days I say the hard things, "I do not like you right now, but I still love you." I am tired of begging teenagers to not just coast at life but reach their potential. My battery is nearly empty. I am exhausted.
I love you enough... How often do we forget to take care of things and people because while we care for them, we do not put in "enough" effort to take care of their needs. How often would we rather focus on our own self and not someone else? Do you go above and beyond what is asked of you and help others? Are you the person others go to in order to get help?
Do you care about others enough to risk losing time, energy, etc on them?
Do you put yourself at risk for lack of sleep for them?
Do you care for others enough to hold them accountable to their true amazingness even when they are cranky or give you the cold shoulder?
What are you willing to give up or risk because "I love you enough..."?
