You aren't hard to love.

People who tell you that you are difficult to love are liars. The truth is, you are NOT hard to love.
Everyone has redeeming qualities. Everyone has things that make them attractive to someone else... you just need to find people who are a fit to your puzzle of complicated. The real problem is that some people do not want to love you for you. They do not respect your needs or desires and want you to fit in a little box.

From what I have learned about life, love, and relationships; people are complex. We need to feel loved and needed- that is simple. How we understand and accept love- that is located more closely to the deep end of the ocean.

Some need to be held and touched and praised while others need to acts of service to feel that other person is giving for them. Your own needs are your needs. I like to think of it simply. Some people are attracted to blondes, some people swoon over dimples, and others notice eyes. Your ability to be turned on and feel desire to share time and company with someone is who you are. The same is true that you need to be given love how you feel loved. I could care less about gifts. Money is not something I focus on. I feel guilt from people spending too much on me. I think of how hard the other people had to work to purchase it, I consider if they should have spent the money on something they needed for themselves or possibly their kids. I literally get guilt about a lot of gifts. I need touch. I
am pretty sure I was a puppy in a past life. When I don't feel good I like my tummy rubbed and my hair played with. I like end of the day hugs at the door like some silly 1950's type sitcom. As I think about it, that probably reinforces the puppy theory.

Some people will attempt to make fun of you for wanting to receive love how you receive love. That's the same nonsense of telling parents of newborn babies not to "overly" hold them. Touch is a basic need even for brand new tiny humans. Research has shown that when people touch people that they love their blood pressure levels and their heart rate maintains a constant and even rhythm.

You are not hard to love. You will always be seen as hard to love by people who don't love the real you. When I am overwhelmed and at the end of my rope, there are only like 3 people who I feel safe and comfortable touching me. Everyone else makes me mad or upset. Those 3 people though- I could lay down beside and not speak and be content even on my worst day.

When people don't respect you and your needs- they push you. They demand you love them as they see fit. They don't try to find a safe and comfortable place for both of you. How you need and receive love is apart of you as your fingerprint.
You can not fully feel love in ways that don't feel like love to you.

If someone is tells you that you are hard to love- they lie. You are only hard to love by people who don't love you but love what you can do for them.